The Captain

We taught the Captain how to interact better with others while playing the piano. He was a tremendous showman, and he displayed his showmanship by behaving seductively when he performed. He was not a monster. He was hungry after he played for us, so we made the Captain walk, and he was good at walking. We never approached the Captain if he was eating, sleeping, or chewing. We exposed the Captain to many different situations and many different people so he knew how to act appropriately in a lot of situations. We enjoyed watching the Captain move after we applied oil to his body. We never left the Captain unattended. We stroked the Captain affectionately until he fell asleep with his head in the crook of his arm. The Captain was not aggressive or territorial. When people outside bothered the Captain, we removed him from the window. Please: no pinching, hitting or pulling on the Captain, no matter how playful he may appear. The Captain’s personality and physical demands complement our lifestyle. We don’t ever allow anyone to play tug of war with the Captain. We monitor the Captain until we hear a tinkle and bonk sound coming from his piano. If the Captain appears nervous, anxious, or afraid, we immediately remove him from the situation and reward him with a deep tongue kiss. We made sure there were no holes or gaps in the fence so the Captain couldn’t escape. We observed the Captain in the yard a good many hours. So tired was the Captain, so very tired.