Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Efficient Holiday Travel

Efficient holiday travel is what I'm all about.
Make sure to stay hydrated and wear earphones
that leak sound during the Led Zeppelin section.
If the seat in front of you is too close
simply press your knees into it, like you
are in your own video with Led Zeppelin.
Then what you should do is open your supply bag
and get nail polish remover and use that
on your fingernails and maybe you have some
blood on your purse, it will remove that too
with a cotton ball and some rubbing. Then nail
polish, brushing from the base of nails to the tips.
Clean under the nails with a provided dinner knife
or tooth of a fork, yeah, that will work too.
Red looks good on your fingernails. I really
like it on you. Then if you take off your shoes
make sure to remove your socks and hang them
over the armrest. Do you have cell coverage?
Now is the time to use up those extra minutes as the month
draws to a close, speedily. Last thing: Onions
should be eaten like an apple if possible.
Napkins? Nasal spray? Personal lubricant?
Now might be a good time to pretend something horrible
has happened somewhere in the vehicle of transportation.
Get them to believe you, be convincing, not obnoxious
or to adamant about what you've just witnessed.
Allow the people around you to react in their own
way to the information you've just shared.
Make it believable! Have a safe trip.

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