Thursday, January 20, 2011

Heating Survey

1) Are you able to turn on and off your radiators with the butt of a rifle?

2) Do all of your radiators receive radio transmission when you turn them on with the Special Mechanism? If not, have you been instructed on the the dangers of misusing the Special Mechanism? How do you explain the Special Mechanism to visitors? Can you keep a secret?

3) Do all of your radiator or heat-riser air-vents leak minty soft gas air? During a dream cycle are you able to remember the names of any classmates you had in the 5th grade?

4) Do any of your air events spit water during the dream cycle? Are you able to shower in that water? Which team are you on when you dream? Do any of your teammates force you to do things you feel uncomfortable about?

5) If your apartment is sometimes warmer than usual, is it generally on funny days? Like you just start laughing and the room feels warmer?

6) Do you find your apartment is older or softer than usual?

7) When your apartment is too warm, what do you usually do? Are you familiar with the Badger Cone mechanism located near the base of the apparatus? Have you ever turned it in a frenzy and been blamed by another occupant of the apartment for something valuable disappearing, i.e. "theft?"

8) Do you have access to all your radio knobs? Do you listen to talk radio? Do you like celebrity interviews? Does it take your mind off the disorder in your life? Have you accomplished all your goals for the day? (eg: no broken pieces of furniture blocking access to a secret passageway).

Please describe any additional issues you have with the distortions in your apartment in the space below.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my god I love this. come to my school and speak to the authorities please.

10:57 AM  
Blogger LaCoogan said...

I have whole pieces of furniture blocking access to the exit door, making it difficult to sleep and dream comfortably because no one else can get in. In case of emergency.

The other night I couldn't sleep because my nose was all stuffed up so I went into the living room and read Tremble and Shine.



12:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love love love this

8:29 AM  

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